A Naughty Narcissist’s Yuletide Greetings

narcissist chronicles love me need me a narcissist's tale i want you seduction emails from a narcissist lisa maligaBy Lisa Maliga
Copyright 2011-2015

I’ve decided to include a special excerpt from The Narcissist Chronicles: The WHOLE Story as it contains a wacky Christmas scene. The narcissistic main character, Arlen J. Stevenson, is a Southern zombie author and public speaker. This scene is from a December speaking gig for firefighters and their wives in a small Southern town…

Warning: Rated PG-13!

Well, I needed to get more festive as it was warming up to be a very merry Christmas for me and I thought, well hell, who sang the best Christmas songs in the world? Me! Because I’d just composed Arlen’s Christmas Song and it was gonna get a deal with Sony Music next year.

I went back over to my briefcase and pulled out my Lucky Santa cap with the mistletoe attached to it. I removed the first one and put the new one on my head and went over to the mic and pulled it off its stand.

“Ladies and gentlemen–let me make this the best Christmas show you’ve ever attended. Why? Because there is a special Christmas treat for y’all, that’s why! This is an original musical composition!”

I cleared my throat and began singing, “Here’s your Christmas present, baby,” and smiled, shook my hips a little to warm myself up and began…

“I said, here’s your Christmas present, baby…” I was directing my vocal offerings at Daisy, the sexy ol gal in the back of the room and smiled at her, swishing my hips slowly back and forth, hinting that later on in the evening me and her could share some naked rockin’ and rollin’ in my motel room. I wished to hell she read minds, as I was getting hotter than hell thinking of what that ol gal must be like in the sack. She seemed to be grooving on it too, but I thought maybe I should continue on and do something Christmassy first before coming onto her up close and personal-like.

“Are you gonna pull my red ribbon tonight?” I warbled in a loud, musical voice. “Red ribbon…and if I’m lucky you’ll take it through the back door…” I went over to the Christmas tree at the back of the stage and admired it as I sang: “Oh I’m your Christmas present, baby…” extending the lyrics, fondling a large gold ornament, but not quite expecting it to crash to the stage floor and break loudly, but not nearly as loud as my strong tenor.

Time to get off the stage, and I switched hands on the mic and walked into the crowd, working it like the paid professional public speaker/singer I proudly am. I began slowly clapping in time to my singing and encouraging the audience to follow me, even clapping my hands above my head a few times. But they just sat there like some of my zombie characters.

I was making my way over to the sexy broad, but I stopped in front of a grandmaesque fat woman with a few tufts of cotton candy blue hair and thought of singing Blue Christmas to her, but decided to keep on singing what I was and I stood kinda close to her and rocked my hips suggestively as I sang. “Once you unwrap me, baby, you won’t need Elvis anymore!” But hell, she was too ugly to kiss so I just pretended like the mistletoe wasn’t there as I made my way over to the hottie with the big, nursable boobs.

On my way across the room I continued to sing, smiling at some ol gal in a wheelchair and deciding to flirt with her. I put my hand on the back of her chair. And I made her feel real good by pushing her wheelchair around in slow, sexy circles as I sang, “If I’d’ve been in Hollywood I’d’ve been the leading man and Elvis would work at a shoe store.”

She seemed a little bluer in the hair and redder in the face so I stopped the ride and by that time I had found my way over to Miss Daisy who was beaming up at me adoringly. Damn, I was gonna be giving her the Christmas love package a little early this year! I stripped off my sport jacket and my hips were a rockin’ back and forth and I sang directly to her “I’m your Christmas present, baby, touch me and watch your present growwwww”. I extended my arms to show how much, and was gonna lean on in to the sexiest woman in the room and get my mistletoe over her head and get my reward…

And that’s when some porky ol gal comes up behind me, interrupting me, by informing me: “Thank you Arlen J. Stevenson for your, uh, performance. But it looks like it’s time for our dinner to be served. Please join us!”

I smiled tightly at her and nodded in thanks. Some fat slob who thought dinner was more important than my groinal gratification had just interrupted my spectacular holiday musical performance.

Learn more about this book here: The Narcissist Chronicles: The WHOLE Story

“The Narcissist Chronicles: The WHOLE Story” plus an Arlen in Action Excerpt

narcissist chronicles love me need me a narcissist's tale i want you seduction emails from a narcissist lisa maligaBy Lisa Maliga

Copyright 2011-2015

Here’s a new excerpt from the eBook The Narcissist Chronicles: The WHOLE Story. Read about Arlen Stevenson’s first meeting with a woman he met online. A woman who sent him naked pictures of herself and is a fan of his zombie books. Mavis Preston is a lonely divorcée who enjoys trash talking with Arlen via IM and email. How will their planned weekend rendezvous turn out?

“Hello? Is this Arlen?” asked a breathy high voice.

“The one and only. I’m at this address here, numbered 6656 Bel…”

“Arlen, you’re here! Now!?” the phone clicked.

I looked up to see a stout woman with graying tightly permed curls and a pair of oversized glasses popular during the Reagan era, rushing toward me, her powder blue tracksuit emphasizing her undulating bulges and ripples. I pocketed my phone and embraced her, as I knew that was expected of me. I hid my disappointment beneath my pasted on smile—she looked absolutely nothing like those pictures she had sent…

Once I was inside her recently built home, I was impressed enough with the two story living room sporting a marble fireplace and walls containing built-in bookshelves. There was a large deck outside and a brand new gas grill that looked like it would cook lotsa steaks, burgers, hot dogs, and a few lobsters. The biggest turn on was the master bedroom with the elaborate king sized bed below a mirrored ceiling, plush beige carpeting which I wanted to test out when I got to some of my advanced sexual techniques, and the whirlpool tub in the adjacent bathroom made her look a whole lot better. Maybe ole Mavis was as good as she’d wrote.

When we went into her writing room, I saw that her computer was a laptop off in a corner next to a sewing machine and for some reason that disturbed me. Other than her bedroom, the suburban home seemed so normal and unsensual. Maybe it was the presence of a teenager; a door that was decorated on the outside with a poster of Hannah Montana, and remained closed because I doubted the woman wanted me to see evidence of her offspring. “Jeffrey, my only son! He’ll be spending the weekend with his father, like I told you earlier,” she assured me. The 4,000 square foot home was all ours from Friday through Sunday afternoon.

“I want you to autograph some books,” Mavis declared, leading me back downstairs into the living room. She immediately went over to a section and pulled out all three of my hardcovers, and I reasoned she didn’t break the bank to buy ‘em. Naturally, I always preferred it when they bought the more expensive and longer lasting version, and she happily handed them over.

“Why sure, Mavis, I’d love to…” hell, I just loved the fact that people actually bought my books and then wanted me to scribble in ‘em! I obliged her, thinking I was glad I’d left my overnight bag in the truck.

After the impromptu autograph signing, I pulled out my keys. “Mavis, I haven’t had a lot to eat today. Let’s say you and me go pick something up…”

“Nonsense, I won’t hear of it, Arlen. Why don’t I fix you a sub? I can make it to your liking…” she smiled suggestively.

 

Amazon Kindle version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story

http://www.amazon.com/The-Narcissist-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B0053YUBCK

Amazon UK Kindle version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Narcissist-Chronicles-Lisa-Maliga-ebook/dp/B0053YUBCK

Barnes & Noble version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/narcissist-chronicles-lisa-maliga/1102941036?ean=2940012919106

iTunes version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id664385143

Kobo version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story

http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/the-narcissist-chronicles-the-whole-story-1

Scribd version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story https://www.scribd.com/book/230453823/The-Narcissist-Chronicles-The-WHOLE-Story

Smashwords version: The Narcissist Chronicles: The Whole Story

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/86256

I WANT YOU: Seduction Emails from a Narcissist ~ An Excerpt

By Lisa Maliga

Copyright 2011-2016

iwantyou (1)Here is an excerpt to show how easy it is for a narcissist/sexual predator/online stalker to find his next willing victim.

DEBRA IN ILLINOIS

This was clearly an online fling that lasted only a few days. Arlen was claiming to be in his no more hornies stage of life but the temptation was too overwhelming when he happened upon a married blonde woman whom he admitted looked like a woman he had known a few years ago.

Date: June 1, 2007

From: Debra

What happened? Where did you go?

From: Triplesmartproductions

Debra, I have no idea. Server must’ve gone down today, then today we’re back on, no explanation or anything. I wish someone would explain it all to me!
Thanks for writing, pretty lady, it’s always great to hear from you.
Smoochies,

From: Debra

Thanks for the compliment. And I love the smoochies!!!

So since you are still online, tell me something about yourself that you have never, ever told a living sole before!

From: Triplesmartproductions

Debra, you can never tell this to anyone – I’d rather drink a frozen daquiri than a beer!
Promise not to tell?
Double smoochies if you don’t!

From: Debra

I’m not sure I can keep that one to myself, but I will give it the old college try. As for myself, depends on the tempurature. Wow! This is real investigative work! I am giddy from shock!
Triple smoochies!

From: Triplesmartproductions
You’re a pretty, sweet lady. I’m glad we’re getting to talk, normally during the day and early evening I get so many messages I can’t talk to anyone. You’re fun!
One nose kiss,

From: Debra

Thank you sir! And may I say the same to you. Not the pretty part though. Handsome would do much better in this situation. There is one burning question I have been dying to ask: Is it really hell being popular?
I’ll see your nose kiss and raise you a peck on the neck!

From: Triplesmartproductions

Honestly, sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s kinda like work. You want to be nice to everyone, but there’s just so many hours in the day. I’m just grateful people seem to like what I write and do, it’s an honor for people to read my stuff.
A peck on the neck? I’ll do one better, I’ll give you one full fledged neck nuzzle!

Date: June 2, 2007

From: Debra

Oops! Did I offend? I apologize if I did. But I do enjoy talking to you and I will read your work and I hope you will stay my friend and this is becoming a runon sentence and I am not exactly sure where I should end it so I will just make a commitment and go out on a limb and end it here!
Smoochies?

From: Triplesmartproductions

Darlin, you didn’t offend at all, trust me. You’ll laugh, but I fell asleep at my keyboard, I probably answered over a hundred messages last night!
But only person’s did I answer more than once……

From: Debra

So glad handsome author! Sorry! The pressures of fame must be tremendous! LOL! But seriously folks…I’m sure keeping up with thousands of people on this thing has to be exhausting! My ego is only slightly bruised – nothing fatal.
Thanks also for the multiple answers. So happy we’re getting along…wait for it…famously!
Good morning Smoochies

From: Triplesmartproductions

Darlin’, how are you? We meet again and I’m awake!
Returning good morning smoochies,

From: Debra

I know I’m worth waitng for but did you stay at your computer all night? Hope not, Arlen. Need to keep that strength up.
BTW, should we tell our spouses that we’re having this online fling? I’m almost at the point where I can’t start the day without my Arlen!
Spare smoochies for later on

From: Triplesmartproductions

Darlin’, there’s no reason to let go of what you want, now is there?
I enjoy you, hope you’ll want to continue talkin’.
One good kiss,

From: Debra

I do so agree! I love talking to you! But without coffee, it is a bit challenging. You keep me on my toes, with or without caffeine.
One kiss and a hint of tongue (getting daring now)

From: Triplesmartproductions

Want my private email addy? My manager can access this account, so want to talk elsewhere?
More than a hint of tongue,

From: Debra

Tell you what, my Southern Smoothie. Here is mine and use it if you desire. Xxxxx.xxxxi want you: seduction emails from a narcissist by lisa maliga paperback Ear nibble a quick lick!

I WANT YOU: Seduction Emails from a Narcissist [paperback edition on the right]

ebook links: Amazon Kindle, B&N NOOK, Smashwords

Love Me, Need Me: A Narcissist’s Tale ~ Excerpt

Middle-aged Arlen J. Stevenson hails from Alabama. He’s a bumbling sexual predator, narcissist, and author of three insipid zombie books. His relentless and often hilarious pursuit of women online leads him to our other protagonist, Los Angeles-based writer of term papers, Helena Hoffman. She isn’t aware of what Arlen is as she only sees his amusing and entertaining side in their daily email correspondence.  

Told in alternating points of view, we see Arlen’s self-absorbed lifestyle as he endeavors to meet his numerous catches all over the South. Helena and Arlen get friendlier via their online communication, and he invites her to be his personal manager because of her communications skills, gullibility factor and location. She launches a MySpace site for his new company. Soon he realizes there are thousands of available women in his region alone! Unlike the jailbait that many online stalkers pursue, Arlen chases after their mothers and grandmothers. Helena is aware of his perpetual cheating and decides to investigate it in person. What happens after that is alternately scary and darkly humorous. 

EXCERPT

That night I posted up my short story, Zombies At The Kings Country Buffet. The comments came pouring in and I was winning more subscribers and more fans. Some of those ol’ gals were bringing in other ol’ gals. I was sent pictures of some of ‘em and lots of private email addresses and phone numbers. To say my calendar was getting kinda full was a huge understatement. God, I loved MySpace!

A few days later I found time to chat with Helena on the IM but of course I had to remain hidden or else I would’ve been inundated with gals wanting to chat. We discussed the overwhelming success of my short story, one that had been on my web site for years, but over here it had garnered over 60 comments. Danielle in Odessa, Texas wrote about my witty horror tale, saying she was laughing and crying at the same time and she would stay far away from buffets in the future. BlueEyedBlonde wrote, in part: “you have quite a sense of humor about you (Thank GOD !!!) I enjoy your writings…”

Gillian in North Carolina: “I don’t care bout no dam zombies but what you tell me is that u got some balls great big size and I love you writeing”

Frankinzombie wrote: “Because Im a loser baby,now why dont you kill me, that is If I turn into a zombie. Its all fantasy,we know about reality,work,hot girlfriend who likes expensive things,and talks to much while your watching a football game, giving your bud some $ to score some bud, and dosnt show up till the next day,wop-ass time,i know you been pinching my bag mo-fo get the picture,escape from reality,til zombies really happens,its comming soon”

And Robbi Zombie in Pennsylvania wrote: “Arlen, you are one of the finest zombie writers in your genre. Not only do you maintain a level of tension, but it’s interlaced with lots of humor. I wish I could give you 10 kudos!”

Love Me, Need Me: A Narcissist’s Tale is available as an eBook and paperback.

love me, need me: a narcissist's tale by lisa maliga ebook