Love Me, Need Me: A Narcissist’s Tale ~ Excerpt

Middle-aged Arlen J. Stevenson hails from Alabama. He’s a bumbling sexual predator, narcissist, and author of three insipid zombie books. His relentless and often hilarious pursuit of women online leads him to our other protagonist, Los Angeles-based writer of term papers, Helena Hoffman. She isn’t aware of what Arlen is as she only sees his amusing and entertaining side in their daily email correspondence.  

Told in alternating points of view, we see Arlen’s self-absorbed lifestyle as he endeavors to meet his numerous catches all over the South. Helena and Arlen get friendlier via their online communication, and he invites her to be his personal manager because of her communications skills, gullibility factor and location. She launches a MySpace site for his new company. Soon he realizes there are thousands of available women in his region alone! Unlike the jailbait that many online stalkers pursue, Arlen chases after their mothers and grandmothers. Helena is aware of his perpetual cheating and decides to investigate it in person. What happens after that is alternately scary and darkly humorous. 


That night I posted up my short story, Zombies At The Kings Country Buffet. The comments came pouring in and I was winning more subscribers and more fans. Some of those ol’ gals were bringing in other ol’ gals. I was sent pictures of some of ‘em and lots of private email addresses and phone numbers. To say my calendar was getting kinda full was a huge understatement. God, I loved MySpace!

A few days later I found time to chat with Helena on the IM but of course I had to remain hidden or else I would’ve been inundated with gals wanting to chat. We discussed the overwhelming success of my short story, one that had been on my web site for years, but over here it had garnered over 60 comments. Danielle in Odessa, Texas wrote about my witty horror tale, saying she was laughing and crying at the same time and she would stay far away from buffets in the future. BlueEyedBlonde wrote, in part: “you have quite a sense of humor about you (Thank GOD !!!) I enjoy your writings…”

Gillian in North Carolina: “I don’t care bout no dam zombies but what you tell me is that u got some balls great big size and I love you writeing”

Frankinzombie wrote: “Because Im a loser baby,now why dont you kill me, that is If I turn into a zombie. Its all fantasy,we know about reality,work,hot girlfriend who likes expensive things,and talks to much while your watching a football game, giving your bud some $ to score some bud, and dosnt show up till the next day,wop-ass time,i know you been pinching my bag mo-fo get the picture,escape from reality,til zombies really happens,its comming soon”

And Robbi Zombie in Pennsylvania wrote: “Arlen, you are one of the finest zombie writers in your genre. Not only do you maintain a level of tension, but it’s interlaced with lots of humor. I wish I could give you 10 kudos!”

Love Me, Need Me: A Narcissist’s Tale is available as an eBook and paperback.

love me, need me: a narcissist's tale by lisa maliga ebook


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